"You're in conflict with reality!"
This statement is by far the quickest tool for stopping my yelling in its tracks.
But what does it mean?
Let me explain.
All stress is a conflict between belief (your story) and reality.
What's going on in this present moment?
Are the kids fighting?
Is your child meant to be asleep but they're not?
Is your child messing around when they're meant to be getting ready for school?
Is the house a mess?
Did you only get 5 hours of broken sleep last night?
What is your reality right now?
If you're feeling stressed about it, it's not because of the events you're experiencing. It's because of how you're THINKING about that event.
It's your story.
You roll around in a story about how this event shouldn't be happening.
You focus on what you're missing out on because this event is happening.
You complain about how you or others should be behaving differently.
You personalise what's going on. "I'm such a failure because of this" or "This is ruining my day"
Our stories escalate as it gathers momentum...
"Why are they doing this to me? Why won't they stop? I'm so over this behaviour. I have had enough of having to deal with this every single day. If they press my buttons one more time I'm gonna..."
STOP! You're in conflict with reality and it's not helping.
The reality is what's happening is happening, like it or not.
When you get stuck in conflict with your reality, what attention do you have left to look for solutions or alternative approaches?
What's worse is that your mind is trained to find more evidence of what you have your attention on.
So you keep finding more of what's wrong, what you're missing, who should be acting different and how it's effecting your life. You just keep going around in circles.
That's why it escalates and you feel angrier and angrier.
Then to top it off, because you're thinking this way, you then feel stressed.
When you feel stress, you're activating the hind part of the brain.
You're not activating the conscious part of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning and creativity.
How are you supposed to CHANGE your situation when you're stuck in your story that's fighting with reality?
The answer is, you can't? Or at least, it will take a lot longer than it needs to.
One day I was complaining to my husband about the kids arguing and fighting. He said to me, "Jac, you're in conflict with reality."
This stopped me dead in my tracks.
He was right.
There was no value in rolling in my story.
"The reality is the kids are fighting, so what am I going to do about it?" I said to myself.
Now that's a question that's going to send your mind in a more productive direction.
Try it out.
You'll be amazed at how quickly you can reign in your story when you acknowledge you're in conflict with reality!
Want to know more about how to stop yelling at the kids?
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It's time to change the family dynamics and it can all start with you.